by Evan Brown
Rated M. Starring Vin Diesel, Leslie Mann, Elijah Wood. Directed by Breck Eisner.
“Live Forever. Hunt Forever”
Vin Diesel is back! He has left his super fast sports car back on the set of Fast & Furious, picked up a sword and now sports an epic beard. A beard is so epic that it would make all the hipsters couch surfing in Williamsburg feel inadequate.
This is The Last Witch Hunter. Vin Diesel plays the character of Kaulder, a gun-toting sword-wielding witch hunter who has been given the curse of immortality and is forever protecting the world from witches. Does this storyline sound familiar to anyone?
Now, I’m going to repeat that sentence but I will replace the words Vin Diesel, Kaulder, witch and witches with the words Wesley Snipes, Blade, vampire and vampires. Wesley Snipes plays the character of Blade, a gun toting sword wielding vampire hunter who has been given the curse of immortality and is forever protecting the world from vampires.
Now we’ve got the déjà vu out of our system we can get on with the review.
So 800 years ago there was this Witch Queen who was the real reason for the bubonic plague. As revenge for the death of his wife and daughter, Kaulder decides to carve her up with his flaming sword and as the Queen slowly dies she curses him with a spell of immortality (what a nice lady). Now fast-forward to the 21st century and witches and humans now live peacefully together. The witches are allowed to practice their magic if they don’t harm any humans. However, there are some that don’t follow this rule and this is where Kaulder comes in and starts crackin’ some skulls. Things start to get harder though as some witches decide to be a bit cheeky and raise the Queen Witch back to life so she can purge the earth of all humanity.
There are a lot of eyebrow-raising issues for Christians in this movie: the occult, witchcraft, the church policing magic, the use of swords in the 21st century, massive beards etc. But The Last Witch Hunter is fantasy and at no point in the movie does it try to be otherwise.
The big issue I found myself actually thinking about is ‘If I were immortal, how would I live my life?’ My first thought was that I would eat all the bacon I could… I would also probably eat a lot of ice cream… a LOT of ice cream. But in all seriousness I would hope that I would boldly share the good news of Jesus to everyone because in the face of eternity our lifespan seems extremely short. As I come back to reality I remember that life still is extremely short and that I should be telling everyone about this good news because our lives are only getting shorter.
In Matthew 28:19-20 Jesus tells us to:
“…go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”
How often do I myself do this in my life? Definitely not enough.
I’m not going to live forever on this world and my time here is just getting shorter. We have been redeemed for a reason, why not tell someone about Jesus today?
As I said previously The Last Witch Hunter is a fantasy-action flick. It doesn’t aspire to have Academy Awards rain down on them for their Sorkin-esque script and Hilary-Swank-calibre acting. It’s a movie that revolves around Vin Diesel annihilating witches with a flaming sword. If you go in with that expectation then you’ve got a good chance of not being disappointed. However, if you’re proud of your beard then you should probably best sit this one out.
I give The Last Witch Hunter two out of five stars.
The Last Witch Hunter is now screening in cinemas everywhere.